I'm staying up tonight as tomorrow I have a meeting with my supervisor and my work is no where near satisfaction. I'm so busy right now(well, I mean I'm supposed to be busy) because in 2 weeks I'll be flying back home. Wohooo! But what worries me right is how am I going to cope after I finished up my vacation in Malaysia? Coping in getting back my momentum in working which we all have problem with. You know when you had a long holiday and when it's up you have trouble in adjusting back to your normal life? That's what worries me the most.
For the past few weeks I have been struggling with my work. At the moment I'm into programming a GUI in MATLAB for a listening test which will eventually be published as a paper. But before that I need to sort the theory section. Now where's my calculator?
I'm so envy with my colleague right now, Mark, because he only takes like a few minutes to finished up a program but it would take me a week to do mine. Take note that all my colleagues are men and I'm the only girl in my group. Imagine the pressure. And sometimes I feel that my confident level goes down gradually over the years. I need to pick my self back up.
Honestly, I've been having this pressure of seeing most of my friends (on FB) either working hard and earning money or having their first new born baby. Not that I want one right now, having a baby and a new commitment that would change my life drastically is the last thing on my mind. And I do earn right now. I'm earning while I'm doing my PhD. Gee! When I put it that way it sounded like it's so easy but believe me the hardest part of doing a PhD and getting free money while doing it is finding my own motivation. Every. Single. Day. Seeing my husband working happily and not able to worry about work when he's home is sometimes can be quite depressing. But then again, I am so grateful of where I am today.
I learn that when you're young you have the tendency of being very ambitious and wanting to do a lot of things at the same time. I know because that's what I am right now. I want to have a PhD and at the same time I want to work as a professional. I also want to continue my passion for volunteering work and travel the world but at the same time I want to build a family (well this one come and go as it like but most of the time it doesn't come) or maybe doing passionate businesses. It's confusing being young but again I'm grateful and I rather not be content.
Throughout this journey of being young and confusing there's one important lesson that I learn. It's to take one thing at a time. Yes, we worry and we think about the future A LOT! some even emailed me and mentioned their worriness of not being able to continue their master degree while in fact they are still in their second year bachelor degree. So my best answer at the moment is "take one thing at a time". This goes the same to me. Because it help us to be focused and strived to do our best today and prepared for tomorrow.